Bow Wow

Dear Cambodian Farmer,

I want to apologize to you for running in your rice fields and taking up with nice American volunteers and making them feel welcome with a thousand licks to their face. I know what I did was the worse thing a dog can do wrong, and if there’s anything I can do to make it better, I will. I’m sorry that my actions in just being a normal dog and maybe sneaking a snack or two of that crappy tasting pig you had cooked yesterday may have made you think differently of me but I am hoping you will forgive me and stop trying to trick me into thinking that really sharp knife you have angled at my throat is really the beginnings of a really good horror flick and not what I am thinking — the end of my life. I am hoping you will forgive me and stop trying to turn me into something to serve our new guest — as I have noticed she really likes Oreo’s and most probably will be very happy living off those for the next two weeks. I promise it will never happen again. Probably.

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Actress, Model, Writer, Photographer, Survivor.

With a résumé that shows work as diverse as video standbys like Caged Heat 2 to award winning films like 2012 Best Picture™ winner The Artist, not to mention the fan favorite Return of the Living Dead, Jewel Shepard has endeared herself to legions of fans. She’s also the best-selling author of Invasion of the B-Girls and If I’m So Famous, How Come Nobody’s Ever Heard of Me, and has worked as a reporter for Premiere, Details and Cosmopolitan.

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